Upon arrival at the International Space Station, they are given the surprise of a lifetime - the station has been completely taken over by aliens. These highly intelligent beings, able to appear like humans when needed, have been using the station to monitor activities on Earth.
As the cosmonauts recoil in horror, the alien commander reassures them that they will not be harmed. In exchange for their cooperation, they will each be allowed to make use of the aliens' advanced technology.
The American speaks up first. "Deal. Get my ass to Mars, and I will claim it for my country. I have always wanted to assess how viable it is for humankind." The aliens granted his wish, and he was on his way in a personal spacecraft traveling at near light-speed.
The British cosmonaut was next. Thinking himself clever, he made an even more outlandish request: "I'd like to visit the closest Earth-like planet to Alpha Centauri." This amused the aliens, who were more than happy to create a wormhole through which this was possible. And just like that, he was on his way - soon, yet another sun would never set on the British Empire.
The Russian thought about it for a bit. "Since you're so advanced, could you please teleport both of them back here immediately? We haven't even had a drink to celebrate our arrival!"
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