Fat Mama Stuff

Yo mama's so fat...


...she keeps elephant putty in her purse.
...a car hit her and she yelled, "WHO THREW THAT?"
...she saw a sign that said "Say No to Crack" and it reminded
her to pull up her pants.
...she can take a shower without getting her feet wet.
...she lives in two ZIP codes and nobody will date her.
...she wore a watch on each wrist and they were in different
time zones.
...she walked through the trailer park and caused $10,000,000 in
damages.
...she doesn't have to dial 1 and the area code when calling
long-distance.
...she looks like she's smuggling a Winnebago.
...they tried to calculate her weight in gold--and made Fort
Knox bankrupt.
...her talking scale lied to her.
...she can drive in the diamond carpool lane without anyone else
being in the car.
...she caused a rectal eclipse.
...she ate a Dairy Queen burger without chewing.
...the photo machine in the mall charged her for 5 people.
...her blood goes through her veins saying, "Excuse me, pardon
me, comin' through, gangway!"
...her cooler doubles as a bedpan.
...she walked in the bank and they turned off the security
cameras.
...the Mona Lisa saw her and lost her smile.
...they use her lard to make artificial popcorn butter.
...her role as Juliet in high school completely ruined the play
-- not to mention the school.
...she works on a wrecking crew but doesn't operate any machines.