Did you ever have to fart, on a bus, or an airplane, or in some public place, but hadn't been farting all that day? So you didn't really know the nature of the beast, you only knew there was LOTS of it!
In a situation like that, what you have to do is to release a test fart. You have to arrange to release, quietly, and in a careful, controlled manner, about 10 to 15 percent of the total fart in order to determine if those around you can handle it!
Or if in fact you may be about to precipitate a public health emergency!
When releasing a test fart, it is often good to engage in an act of refuge such as reaching for a magazine. "Sayyy, is that Golf Digest?" *FART!*
You think, "Ah, that wasn't too horrifying; in fact, in an odd way, it's actually rather pleasant. I think they'll enjoy the rest of this baby!"
And it turns out to be one of those farts that would strip the varnish off a Foot Locker! A fart that could end a marriage.
And everyone around you heads for the exits - even the people on the airplane!
As you realize it is time to review your fiber intake - it might not be neccesary after all each morning, to eat an entire wicker swingset!
I hope you've learned now how to fart in public.
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.