How to score: 0 if the statement is never true, 1 if it is rarely true, 2 if
it is sometimes true, and 3 if it is always true.
1. ___ Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then "we can
talk."
2. ___ the school principal has your number on speed-dial.
3. ___ the cat is on Valium.
4. ___ People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to
speak through clenched teeth.
5. ___ you are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaf.
6. ___ the number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of
people in the family.
7. ___ No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.
8. ___ "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
9. ___ you have to check your kid's day-planner to see if he can take out the
trash.
10.___ No-Doze gives you bulk rates.
How you rate:
30 - A perfect score. Welcome to the neighborhood!
20-29 - You are doing reasonably well, but still have too little going on in
your life. Crank it up.
10-19 - You have mastered some of the aspects of the stress-filled life, but
still have a long way to go. Have you considered a parallel career path?
0- 9 - Enjoying all that extra time? What do you do anyway?
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.