During the Obama administration there were a few military cutbacks. As a result, several top generals were asked to retire. All of these men were very well respected and so (in addition to their generous pensions) they were given a bonus check.
Due to a bizarre technicality in the letter of the law their check had to be based on a straight line measured between two point on their body. Being generous, the administration allowed them to pick the two parts, offering $10,000 per inch (the maximum by law).
The first general came in and said "Son, I want you to measure from the tip of my toes to the top of my head." He walked away with a check for $720,000.
The second general came in and said "Son, I want you to measure from the tip of my toes to the top of my outstretched arms." He walked away with a check for $980,000.
The third general, a particularly grizzled old man came in and said "Son, I want you to measure from the tip of my dick to the back of my balls."
The clerk responded by saying "General, no offense, but the other checks gi-"
"Son, you heard me."
"Alright, well, I'm going to have to get a medic."
The medic comes in, starts measuring and suddenly exclaims "My God- General, where are your balls!?"
"Vietnam."
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