Dumb Messages and Warnings

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a
bottle of shampoo for dogs.


"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.


"Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.


"Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the
styrofoam packing.


"Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides
of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume
were handholds.


"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of
sleeping pills.


"Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal
barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.


"Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a
chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.


"Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch
inflatable picture frame.


"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.


"Please remove before driving." -- On the back of a cardboard windshield
(for keeping the car from getting too hot when parked).


"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.


"Do not drive cars in ocean." -- In small print at the bottom of the
screen during a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean.


"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.


"For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.


"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless
phone.


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Signs and Notices:


"No stopping or standing." -- A sign at a bus stop.


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Safety Procedures:


"Take care: new non-slip surface." -- On a sign in front of a newly
renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building.


"In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill
quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp.