There once was a private in the army who was in the middle of a training drill for stealth and disguise. He was all painted like a tree and blended in perfectly. The drill sergeant was walking through the forest trying to find this private, when all of a sudden the private flinched. The drill sergeant screamed at him and told him he did a terrible job. Then the private said "Well, with all due respect, I didn't flinch when the dog peed on my leg, or when the birds took a shit in my hair, but what really got me was when two squirrels ran up my pantleg and one of them said 'You know what Jerry... let's eat one now and save the other one for winter' and that's what really got me"
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.