Did you hear about the poop that went to Hollywood to become an actor?

Okay, so, there was this piece of poop who felt stuck in a rut in his hometown of Anywhere, USA, and dreamt of getting out and making a name for himself.

He was working at a dead-end job, had few friends, and spent far too much time alone at home watching netflix and surfing the net. He'd work all day, drink all night, and do it again the next day.

Over time, things got worse and worse, and then one morning after an especially heavy bender, he slept through his alarm, and showed up to work late and hungover, and his boss fired him on the spot.

"Maybe this could be an opportunity," one of his friends said. "You hated that job anyway - maybe this is your chance to follow your dream."

The poop thought about this, and decided that yes - he was going to turn his life around, leave this podunk town, and travel to Hollywood, California, and become a great actor.

He sold enough of his belongings to afford a ticket to California, and left the next day with nothing but the shirt on his back.

When he arrived in Los Angeles, he got straight to work looking for auditions. He tried out for every part he could find, but no one cast him. He went from studio to studio looking for something - anything - but the casting directors simply weren't interested in hiring a piece of poop.

As the days went by, the rejection was beginning to wear on him, as he was only eating what scraps he could find, and was sleeping outside only long enough for the cops to tell him to move along.

It was about a week later, and the piece of poop was at the only studio he had yet to try, hoping even for just a part as a background extra. Anything to get his foot in the door.

When the casting director saw him, she wouldn't even listen to his audition - she just said they weren't interested.

The poop had had enough. "Not interested? Let me tell you what I'M not interested in. I'm not interested in breaking. I'm not interested in giving up on my dreams. I'm not interested in accepting that I'm not worthy because of what I look like, and I'm not interested in going back to a life I hated because you're too closed-minded to see GREATNESS when it's staring you in the face!"

The casting director was just about to call security, when there was a knock on the door.

"Excuse me," said the man at the door, "I was walking by, and couldn't help overhearing. It's been a long time since I've seen anyone with this much passion. You have something special, kid - I think you have the potential to be one of the real greats in this business."

"Who are you?" asked the poop.

"I'm the President of Movies," said the man. "and I'm about to make you a star."

The poop went along with the president down to his limo, and the two did lunch to discuss what sort of projects would be best to collaborate on. The poop had some great ideas, and the president knew just the people to bring in to make them happen.

The poop's first film was a blockbuster hit. The second was even bigger. The third became the highest grossing movie in history. Everyone in America fell in love with Hollywood's newest A-lister.

But so much fame so fast went to the poop's head. He started getting in to the celebrity part lifestyle, drinking, doing coke... The paparazzi began following him around to see if he'd do something crazy.

Then one night a young man approached the poop while he was out partying at the club.

"Yo, I'm a huge fan. Can you sign my DVD?" the young man asked.

"Beat it, kid, can't you see I'm trying to snort coke off this stripper's ass?" said the poop.

"What the hell? It'll only take a second. Come on, sign it!"

"I said GET OUT OF MY FACE!" yelled the poop. A crowd began to gather around as the paparazzi snapped photos left and right.

"You know what, poop? Get flushed!" the young man said as he picked up a glass of water and threw it at the poop.

And that's when the shit hit the fan.