Closing time at the local pub...

....comes around and the first to leave the pub is John. John stumbles out of the door, trips and crawls across the parking lot. For 15 minutes he fumbles in his pockets for his car keys, During which time all of the pub's patrons have already left. John climbs into his car, and starts the engine.

Almost immediately, sirens blare out, flashing lights in his rear view mirror, followed by tapping on the drivers side window with a flashlight.

John lowers his window, and to the officers surprise in a perfectly sober manner asks - "What seems to be the problem officer?"

The officer replies, "Well you barely seem to be able to walk, let alone drive, how much to drink have you had tonight sir?"

"Nothing at all, officer" John replies

Confused the officer asks him to explain his actions while leaving the pub.

John confidently replies, "oh that, well you see sir, I'm tonight's designated decoy"

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