Cheap HMO


Top Twenty Signs You've Joined A Cheap HMO


1. Pedal-powered dialysis machines.


2. Use of antibiotics deemed an "unauthorized experimental procedure"


3. Head-wound victim in the waiting room is on the last chapter of "War and Peace"


4. Costly MRI equipment efficiently replaced by an oversized 2-sided copier.


5. 24-hour claims line is 1-800-TUF-LUCK


6. Exam room has a tip jar.


7. You can get your flu shot as soon as "the" hypodermic needle is dry.


8. "Will you be paying in eggs or pelts?"


9. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to goodwill last month.


10. "Take two leeches and call me in the morning"


11. The company logo features a hand squeezing a bleeding turnip.


12. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.


13. Covered postnatal care consists of leaving your baby on a celebrity's doorstep.


14. Recycled bandages.


15. "Pre-natal vitamin" prescription is a box of Tic-Tacs.


16. Chief Surgeon graduated from University of Benihana.


17. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park"


18. Doctor listens to your heart through a paper towel tube.


19. Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is "an apple a day."


20. Only participating Physicians are Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine.

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