* Driving your fellow Congressman into the turnbuckle now considered
acceptable method of ending a filibuster.
* President now shouts entire State of the Union address with his face 18
inches from TV camera.
* IRS audit replaced by more efficient reverse body slam onto enema.
* Government becomes a charade of meaningless noises and lots of posturing by
a bunch of inarticulate losers with no class or manners - Hey, wait a minute...
* Free school lunches destined for the needy instead go to the biggest,
meanest, stupidest kid in each school.
* Sex scandals now involve even skankier women.
* January 20: Inauguration ceremonies. January 21: FDA approves
over-the-counter sale of steroids Newt Gingrich is finally able to wear his mask
and cape out of the house.
* During House debate, it is acceptable to yield to the gentleman wielding a
folding chair.
* Difficult finding interns willing to accommodate an entire pouch of Skoal.
* Strom Thurmond *finally* removed by The Undertaker.
* Line to bodyslam Ken Starr winds around Lincoln Memorial.
* Before: Mr. Vice President.
After: Stone Cold Al Gore .
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