More paraphrased slips from Kermit Schafer's hilarious book
"Blunderful World of Bloopers"
Burn rubber: Ladies, our shoe store is featuring sneakers that
are ideal for street walking.
Figures don't lie: The annual report of the committee states
that health conditions aren't all they should be. The city's
beaches have an appalling amount of litter and a check of the
municipal swimming pool revealed some startling figures.
That's service: You will find many attractive features at a
Getaway Inn. Getaway Inns are equipped to perform many
functions. So when you're thinking of having your next affair,
remember Getaway Inn!
Keeping score: A typical scene of a western movie was being
aired showing the good guys huddled around a burning covered
wagon shooting frantically at encircling Apaches. At this point,
the network superimposed over the action, the following football
scores: "Cowboys - 36, Indians - 6"
Promo or porno?: Stay tuned for Charles Dickens' immortal
classic "A Sale of Two Titties"....er....."A Tale of Two Cities."
Give her the prize: Our next contestant works for a prominent
newspaper. She's the switchblade operator for the Toledo
Board....I mean switchboard operator for the Toledo Blade.
Good view: A woman was arrested after she was discovered running
nude through the streets of town. Police have decided to detain
her several days for observation.
Bumper crap: The farmers in the valley are pleased to announce
that this year there will be an abundance of apples. This is
particularly good news because most of the farmers haven't had a
good crap in years.
What a sport: We're here on the fifteenth green where the
golfers seem to be having trouble with the long putts. However,
they are having no trouble dropping their shorts.
How big?: Our first guest is one of the nation's outstanding
experts on birds. In addition to several parrots, she boasts of
having the largest parateets in captivity.
Send him to the showers: It's raining again and it appears just
a matter of minutes before the game is called because of the
weather. As the Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher stand on the mound,
you can barely see the P.P. on his muddy uniform.
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