Attorneys, Witnesses and a few jokes

Got an email fwd that claims these are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters ________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
something you forgot?
________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the law exam?
_______

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how
old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you serious.
_______


ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
_______

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.
_______

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_______


ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_______

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNE : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
_______

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I ., but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?


WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.



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