Application to date my daughter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.


NAME______________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________
GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #____________________
DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________
HOME ADDRESS__________________________
CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____
Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?__________
If NO, explain_________________________________________
____________________________________________________
Number of years married________If less than your age,
Explain______________________________________________
____________________________________________________
Do you own a van?_____ A truck with oversized tires?_____
A waterbed?__________ A pickup with a mattress in the back?______
A condom?______ Pornography?_______ Do you have earring, nose ring,
or a belly button ring?________ A tattoo?___________
(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)


In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________


In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________


In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________


Church you attend______________________________________
How often you attend_______
When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and
priest?_____________
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential. (that means I won't tell anyone EVER)
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be
__________________________________________________________


B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my
__________________________________________________________


C: A woman's place is in the
__________________________________________________________


D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is
__________________________________________________________


E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is
__________________________________________________________


NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.


What do you want to do IF you grow up


__________________________________________________________________________


What is the current going rate of a hotel room?_______________


Condoms come in A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: ALL OFTHE ABOVE
(circleone)


I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN HAND TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_______________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name moron)


Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).