Answers Women Have Always Wanted to Know

1. WHY ARE MEN SUCH JERKS?
It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing. We men suffer
from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average life span of a
male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the griping
and nagging we have to endure)? Hormones modify behavior. We're just
misunderstood.


2. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO OGLE AT OTHER WOMEN?
Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the
testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides,
women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught. I'm
fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one
quick look and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack this
ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.


3. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS TOUCH THEMSELVES, ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's
much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.


4. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS?
We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated
by a few simple (and well-chosen) words.


5. WHY ARE MEN SO UNCOMMUNICATIVE?
You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it you
get into trouble with your partner.


6. WHY DO MEN HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH RETARDS?
Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's the
old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much of the
world nowadays.


7. WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SHARE THEIR FEELINGS?
Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and
women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have
no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like
rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we
feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.


8. WHY CAN'T MEN CUDDLE MORE (I.E., LIE DOWN AND HUG)?
Please, how many hours do you think there are in a day? We oblige you as
much as we can, but who the hell (besides women) can stand lying around
for hours on end? We men...men hunters...need go roam...starve in
cave...must go find wilde beast.... Now sitting on our butts for hours on
end on the other hand is a whole other story.


9. HOW CAN MEN SIT ON THEIR BUTTS ALL DAY WITHOUT MOVING
Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that
enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In
prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended
periods of time while hunting for prey. The more successful hunters were
able to sit very still for very extended periods of time thereby passing
on this ability to their progeny. The fidgety types were all gobbled up by
saber-toothed tigers etc. The end result is that almost all modern men are
born with this innate ability.


10. WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SAY, "I LOVE YOU?"
Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say that
we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men consider
that a character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own character
faults.


11. WHY DO MEN SAY, "I LOVE YOU" WHEN THEY HARDLY KNOW ME?
Ho, Ho, Ho. Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure-fire way
to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.


12. WHY DOESN'T MY PARTNER EVER ANSWER ME?
We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single one of your
questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that you will not
like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other
things.


13. WHY WON'T MEN EVER PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know
darn well that you'll pick it up.


14. WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING?
This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you
know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a
sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives
us stomach cramps.


15. WHY DO MEN HATE SHOPPING?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go
out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to
look at things we have no intention of killing? Err...buying?