An old miner was digging for gold in a claim out in the Wild West

(First heart from Norm Macdonald on Conan O'Brien)

An old miner was digging for gold in a claim out in the Wild West. He'd been down in the mine for weeks on end when he started feeling a bit lonely. "I am but a weak man, and a man has needs," he said. So he climbed out of the mine and made the trek to the nearest town. He found a saloon and told the bartender his story. "I am but a weak man, and a man has needs, and I need me some companionship."

The bartender says, "Well, we have old Andy over there. Would he do?"

The miner was shocked. "I am not that kind of feller! I may have needs but I'm not like that!" He stormed out of the saloon and went back to his claim.

More weeks passed, months passed, and the miner just kept getting lonelier and lonelier. Finally he couldn't take it anymore. "I am but a weak man, and a man has needs," he said to himself. He climbed out of the mine and made the trek to the nearest town. He went back to the saloon and approached the bartender.

"I am but a weak man, and a man has needs," he said, "and if Andy is still around, I suppose he'll be better than nothing. But I don't want anyone to know about this! I don't want it getting around that I'm like that. So don't go telling everyone."

The bartender was confused. "Well, four people are gonna know right away."

The miner said, "Four? How do you figure four people will know?"

The bartender said, "Well, you'll know, and I'll know, and Andy will know, and the fella holding Andy down is gonna know."