Actual Label Instructions

In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed
through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
consumer products:


1. On a blanket from Taiwan -
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.


2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.


3. On a Taiwanese shampoo -
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.


4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink -
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.


5. On a New Zealand insect spray -
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.


6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO
ROOM TEMPERATURE
BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)


7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids -
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED
PORTION LIKE
A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR
APPROXIMATELY 5
MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.


8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.


9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?


10. On a Sears hairdryer -
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.


11. On a bag of Fritos -
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
(The shoplifter special!)


12. On a bar of Dial soap -
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
(And that would be how?)


13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
(Too late! You lose!)


14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)


15. On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)


16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
(As opposed to use in outer space?)


17. On a Japanese food processor -
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
(Now I'm curious.)


18. On Sainsbury's peanuts -
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
(Really? Peanuts contain nuts?)


19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
(I'm glad they cleared that up.)


20. On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
(What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)


21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT
DOES NOT
ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)


22. On some frozen dinners:
SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.


23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
FITS ONE HEAD.


24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.


25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine:
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.


26. On Nightly sleep aid:
WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.
(Duh!)