... are sitting on the front porch. The grandfather picks up his jug of moonshine and takes a big swig from it.
The boy asks, "Can I have a sip of that, Grandpa?"
"Can your dick touch your ass?" the grandfather asks.
"No..." says the boy
"Then you're too young to drink liquor."
The grandfather then lights up a cigar.
"Can I have a puff from your cigar, Grandpa?"
"Can your dick touch your ass?"
"No..."
"Then you're too young to smoke."
The boy goes into the house, and returns with a plate of freshly baked cookies.
The grandfather asks the boy, "Can I have some of those cookies?"
The boy asks back, "Can your dick touch your ass?"
"Yes, it can."
"Then you can go fuck yourself. Grandma made these cookies for me."
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