A woman writes to a Russian newspaper:

Dear newspaper! I'm a milkmaid, Nyusha Petukhova. Recently I met an awesome man, combiner Vasya Grishechkin. I spend all of my time with Vasya. I go with him to the club, to the library, to the movies, to the seashore, and I never get bored. And do you know why, dear newspaper? Because Vasya loves me. Physically. He does it in the club, in the library, at the movies, at the seashore, all the time, evERywHeRe, eveN nOw, soRRy fOr ThE uNeVEn HanDWriTing