A very insulting parrot

This elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her
loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties,
etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, "My, do you
look lovely this afternoon, madam."


She turns around quickly to see who has spoken, but there is no one. All she
sees is a big green parrot, resting on his perch in his cage. "Did you say
that?" she asks.


"Why, yes, I did!" he replies. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color
for you."


The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking
parrot, but also one that paid such nice compliments. So she pays for him and
takes him home. On the way, she says, "You know, I am so proud of you that I
believe I'll take you out for dinner! Would you like that?"


The parrot says, "Why yes, that would be delightful. I know a charming place
on 7th Street."


So they arrive home and the lady progresses upstairs to her room to change for
dinner, bringing the parrot along, of course. When the woman enters the
building, the parrot begins complaining, swearing, and even bit her once.


Well, the woman is flabbergasted! She grabs the parrot by the throat, marches
down the stairs into the basement, and stuffs the parrot in the freezer. She
leaves him there in the freezer for five long minutes before taking him back
out. The parrot is very cold.


She says, "Well? Have you learned your lesson? I will not tolerate such
language in my house!"


The parrot says, "Okay, okay, I promise it won't happen again. I am deeply
sorry."


Within five minutes, he is cursing again and bit her once on the arm
and once on the finger.


The lady is absolutely stunned. She rips the parrot out of his cage, goes down
the stairs, into the cellar, and, slam, into the freezer. This time, she leaves
him in there for fifteen minutes.


When she finally takes him out, the parrot is one step away from death. He is
shivering and has light frost on the beak. "I swear it will never ever happen
again! I will never insult you again! I promise!" As he thaws, he looks up at
the lady and says, "I do have one question though. That turkey in there, what'd
he do, attack you?"