A SEAL and his Sculpture

There was a Navy SEAL living undercover in the depths of Eastern Russia where they regularly hold ice sculpting competitions. He had been there for a while and was longing to liven up his stay there so he decided to enter the next one. There was a shop in town that he could buy sculpting supplies from and the guys in command had given him a few days before his next assignment, so he rode in on his trusty mule and came back with all of the chisels and saws he needed.

That evening, the SEAL started work on his masterpiece. He loved sites like reddit and imgur, so naturally he decided to sculpt a life sized Good Guy Greg. Both day and night he worked at it until it came to the day of the ice sculpting competition.

There were some good sculptures at the event, but the judges loved his work so much that the SEAL won first prize. To celebrate, he went hard out on the town with some of the locals.

A few hours later, despite being nearly blind drunk, he remembered he'd left his statue and mule outside. There was a blizzard due that evening and his trusty pet would surely die if he didn't get back in time.

The navy SEAL stumbled back as soon as a drunk man could and with his stomach turning and his head spinning, he set to loading up the sculpture onto the sled.

Just as he'd got one foot of the sculpture on the sled, he slipped, lost balance and fell to the ground, with 150kg of ice crashing down square on his shin. He was trapped underneath.

Despite the numbing whisky in his system, a terrible shooting pain raced up his leg. It must be broken. The SEAL remembered his training and tried not to panic, but the sculpture was impossible to lift. He called his mule over to try and budge it. No such luck.

"If only there was a way I could make it lighter", thought the SEAL. Then, an idea hit him. All he'd have to do is heat up the ice sculpture and then it would just melt away until he was able to lift it.

He started to breathe heavily into the ice, but to no avail. He emptied his bladder, but that only froze and made things worse. With his last throw of the dice, he beckoned his trusty mule over and got him to lie down on the ice, hoping his body heat would lessen the load, even slightly. The wind picked up and snow was falling so quickly that he could barely see outline of his pet, doing all that he could to save his master.

He waited. Nothing. He gave it some more time. Nothing. He tried to hold out for longer. Nothing. The sculpture was no lighter and he was drifting in and out of consciousness.

Suddenly, a chilling thought hit him. His heart pounded against his chest and a cold sweat broke across his brow as he realised that it was all over. He realised...


...that pet mules can't melt SEAL memes.