A novice pilot was flying over the Pacific when he was overcome with terror, and called the stewardess into his cabin.
\- Honey, in about 5 minutes we're going to crash and nothing I'm able to do to change the situation. Try, in a gentle way, to explain to the passengers.
The flight attendant took it to heart and wandered to the passenger deck.
\- Can I please have your attention, could I ask everybody to show me your passports? Thank you, and now can everybody raise them high above your heads and wave them around for me... Bravo.
\- Now everybody grab it with two hands and break in this way to part them in the middle. Beautiful, thank you for your cooperation.
\- Now wrap these passports really tight, so very tight and
... And shove it deep in the ass to make it easy to identify you
once we crash.
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