A man walks into a bar with his pet monkey...

And the bartender tells him no animals are allowed. The man begs and pleads to let it stay, so the bartender eventually agrees. The monkey starts jumping around and generally fucking shit up, but the man promises to pay for any damages. Finally the monkey jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, and eats it. The bartender finally has enough, and tells the man to GTFO and don't come back.

A couple weeks later, the man comes back in to the bar with the same monkey. The bartender starts to kick him out, but the man promises there won't be a repeat of last time, and the monkey does seem to be more well behaved than before, so the bartender lets them in.

After a few minutes the monkey climbs up on the bar and takes a cherry from the bowl of snacks, sticks the cherry up its ass, pulls it out and eats it. Then it does it again. The bartender sees this and asks, "what the hell is he doing that for?" To which the man replies:

"Oh that? That's okay, he's just measuring it."

You might also enjoy

Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.