A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. When the bartender brings him the drink he puts his hand to his head as if he's answering a pretend-phone. The man says "Hello? Yeah, okay. No problem," and puts his hand back down.

The bartender says "What the hell was that?"

The man says "Oh, I had a phone surgically implanted in hand a few years ago."

"Bullshit."

"Yeah, nobody believes me. What's the bar's phone number?"

The bartender tells him the number and the man starts pressing into his palm as if he's dialing a number. The bar's phone rings and the bartender answers. Sure enough, it was the man at the bar on the phone.

The bartender says "That's amazing! I've never heard of anything like this! How'd you get this done?"

"Well, it's a long story. How about this: watch my drink and I'll tell you all about it when I get back from the toilet."

The man gets up and goes to the men's room. The bartender calls over a buddy and says "You see that man going to the men's room? He's got a phone literally IN his hand."

"Bullshit."

"That's what I said. If you don't believe me, why don't you go and ask him about it?"

The buddy walks into the men's room to find the man with no pants on and a roll of toilet paper hanging out of his ass. The buddy says "What the fuck is going on?!" to which the man states "Do you mind?! I'm getting a fax."