A man promises his wife to quit drinking...

...but that night he let's his buddy talk him into going to happy hour. He ends up getting so drunk he vomits all over himself. Suddenly overcome with guilt, he starts crying to his buddy. "What am I gonna do? I'm busted for sure."

But his friend has an idea. "Let me see your wallet.". The man turns it over and the friend reaches in, pulls out a bill, and shoves it in the dirty shirt pocket. "When you get home, tell your wife you stayed late at the office. When you were walking to your car, some drunk bastard staggered out of the alley and threw up all over you. He felt so bad he gave you ten bucks for the dry cleaning."

The drunk man is quite impressed with this genius lie and heads home full of confidence. Sure enough, his furious wife confronts him about the shirt as soon as he walks in the door. He relates the story about the drunk in the alley, then pulls the bill out of his pocket and proclaims "See, he gave me ten bucks to cover the dry cleaning!"

The wife squints at him, then says accusingly, "that's a twenty!"

The man thinks quickly, then replies, "well... He shit my pants too!"

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