A man is told by his employer that he has to go see the company doctor in order to keep his insurance...

He reluctantly goes, and is amazed to find no examination table, just a wall full of computer equipment. The doctor walks in and says, "Just place your hand on the scanner here" and shows the man a screen. Bewildered, he places his hand on the screen and immediately the panel glows beneath his hand, followed shortly thereafter by a slip of paper that slides out of a slot.
The doctor reads the paper and says, "Ah, nearly perfect health! You just have a bit of tennis elbow, nothing too serious!"
The man laughs and says "That is ridiculous! You are a quack and your machine here is a fraud! I don't even play tennis!"
The doctor looks puzzled and replies "Well, it has never been wrong before, but... I tell you what. We can provide a more thorough analysis using morning urine. Return tomorrow with this sample container filled with the first urine of the day and we'll re-check the diagnosis."
The man, annoyed by now, reluctantly agrees. The next morning he is flat out irritated with the process and decides to have a bit of fun. He lets the dog out and as the pooch lifts his leg the man catches a little of the dogs urine. He then asks his daughter and his wife to help out and they help fill the container a bit as well. After some thought he drains a few drops of oil from the car, and tops it all off by masturbating and adding that to the mixture as well. He then heads to the doctor's office, giggling all the way.
Upon arrival the doctor looks puzzled at the odd-colored sample but then places it into a tray that slides out from the computer-wall. With the man still giggling in the back ground, the computer buzzes and beeps, seeming to take a bit longer this time. Finally a paper slips out, and the doctor takes it and reads it, with a frown on his face.
"Well, um... I am sorry to have to tell you, but... your dog has fleas, your daughter is pregnant, your wife has gonorrhea, your car needs an oil change and if you don't stop jerking off so much your tennis elbow will never get better."