A kid'a parents didn't want him to learn bad words...

*English isn't my first language so tell me if there are any mistakes*

So one day the father was taking the kid to the mall for a haircut, they walk out the door and the father suddenly remembers he forgot his keys.

He forgets him and his SO's idea and says "Shit! I forgot my keys" the kid is surprised by this word and asks for its meaning the father replies "uhhh, it means doormat, Yeah! Doormat like this one." He pointed at the Doormat next to their house's entrance, afterwards the father got his keys and they were on the road.

While they were driving the father drove faster than the speed limit by a few kph, he hears sirens, looks behind and sees a Cop telling him to pull over. The man tries to reason with the Cop, but he's not having none of it and gives him a ticket. The father mutters "Bastard!" Under his breath, and the son promptly asks what that word means the father thinks up something quickly, and nervously replies "It uhh, means Police officer.."

After the kid had gotten his haircut, and is driven home by his father, he goes to see what his mom's cooking in the kitchen.

He walks into his mother cutting some chicken breasts, and surprised her by yelling out "Hi mom!" She jumps up and cuts her finger while shouting "Oh F*ck" multiple times, and as usual the kid asks what that word means, his mother says "It means cutting, Yeah cutting..." the kid gladly takes that answer and leaves his mother, because she seems busy bleeding out...

He sees his dad start to shave his beard, and he seems really focused on the task at hand. So naturally, the kid screams "Hi Dad!" As loud as he could, causing his father to ruin his perfect goatee. The father engulfed with anguish says "Oh balls! It's ruined." The kid asks what that means, and his father let's out a sigh, probably asking himself why he's doing this in the first place, he responds "Ohh, balls? It means beard.." the son is sorta unsure about it, but takes it as middle aged man slang...

While both parents are busy with their predicaments, someone knocks on their door. The kid answers and it's the Cop from earlier, so he proceeded to greet him, "Hey, bastard! Wipe you feet on shit."
The Cop is taken back by this but decides to just ignore the kid, since he probably doesn't know what he's talking about. He asks "Hey kid, are any of your parents here?" The kid replies "Yeah, my mom is f*cking the chicken, and my father is shaving his balls..."