A guy walks into a Urologist's office

"So what seems to be the problem?"

"Well, doctor, I have this very young, very sexually demanding wife, and she just can't seem to keep her hands off of me. As soon as I come home from work she drags me to bed and pounces on me, and after dinner it's round two. Otherwise she's restless and can't get to sleep. She likes to wake me up with a handjob, too, because she's afraid that if she doesn't sexually exhaust me I might start looking at other women.

Well, the thing is, every morning I get on the same train to work, and there's this redhead that takes the same one every day. About a year ago we started talking, and one thing lead to another and now we sneak into the bathroom every morning and bang each other's brains out.

So when I get to the office, you see, I've got this new lady boss that's really tough on the staff; as soon as she took over she started laying people off left and right. But the thing is she seems to have a sweet spot for me, and started calling me into her office and asking me to perform some pretty awkward tasks until we just started to full-on bang each other, and now I'm scared I'll lose my job if I try to break it off.

So by lunch time I'm usually pretty tired, but the thing is, there's this really sweet blonde that works at the diner I like to go to, and she's always so nice and cheerful, and always slips me a piece of cake, on the house. It's carrot cake, too, and you see, I like carrot cake, so I thought it'd be kind of rude to tell her no when she started coming on to me. So now every day at lunch time, we have a quickie in alley behind."

The doctor, now unable to hide his irritation, barked:

"Okay, so what seems to be the problem?"

"Well, it hurts when I masturbate."