(For optimal results, imagine these being read by your favorite late night talk show host)
In Arizona, a prison inmate escaped after climbing up a basketball hoop, then jumping over the fence. Prison guards were baffled that the man jumped over the fence from the basketball hoop, and not the elevated rope swing, or giant trampoline.
In Rhode Island, a 100-year-old woman received an honorary high school diploma. The 100-year-old woman said she’d always wanted to go back and finish high school — but she couldn’t remember where it was.
A tweet for the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was criticized because it portrayed the turtles jumping from an exploding building with a release date of 9/11. The tweet was immediately taken down, and replaced by a photo of the turtles taking a pizza out of an oven — at Auschwitz.
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