You might be a liberal if ...

You might be a liberal if:


* You've ever left your sociology class thinking, "That professor really
knows what he/she/it is talking about."


* You associate the words "model American" with "Bill Clinton"


* You think Dan Rather represents media impartiality


* Your response to anything Rush Limbaugh says is, "Well, he's fat."


* The first word in the description of your hair color is "neon"


* You've ever tried to protect the ozone layer


* You've stood for animal rights, but wear leather belts and sandals


* You've ever given a dollar to a bum so he can buy more liquor ... ummm
... food


* You ever use the words "Clarence Thomas" and "Uncle Tom" in the same
sentence * you are a vegan


* You have a bumper sticker that says "You Can't Hug With Nuclear Arms" on
your car


* You believe diversity represents the extinction of the white race


* You've ever walked around carrying one of those Javahhh mugs


* You pay a 185 percent markup for organically grown food


* You cheered for "Obstructing Justice Simpson" last Tuesday at 1 p.m.


* You don't think it's right to kill rapists and murderers, but do think
it's right to kill babies


* You have anything to do with the Compassionate Living Fair


* You want more funding for AIDS research but less for cancer, despite the
fact that cancer kills many more people per year


* You have the entire menu at Cup-A-Joe memorized


* You consider yourself open-minded but refuse to listen to anything Jesse
Helms has to say


* You abhor censorship unless it's censoring race, religion, Conservatism,
Western culture or Rush Limbaugh


* You found yourself unemployed after this past November's election


* You're a dope smoker or a womanizer ... oh, sorry, that's "You might be
a Clinton cabinet official if ..."


* You're the dolt who stole the "Helms '96" bumper sticker from my car


* You think the phrase, "... separation of church and state" is in the
Constitution


* You cry, "You can't legislate morality," but defend the Roe v. Wade
decision in order to legalize your moral position on abortion


* You stay informed by watching MTV News


* You have an "I'm Straight But Not Narrow" button pinned to your book bag


* There is a ring in any part of your head other than your ears


* You think religion is bad for school kids to learn, but think condom
giveaways are just what schools need


* You molest campaign workers, then lie about it on national television
... oops, my mistake again, that's "You might be Mel Reynolds if ..."


* You think Jesse Jackson is a good spokesman for the black community


* You think Jesse Jackson is good at anything


* You lie in bed at night worried that Pat Robertson might be out to get
you


* You attribute the rising illegitimacy rate, crime rate or problems in
the inner city to Ronald Reagan


* You've ever held up a grocery store line trying to pick between plastic,
which isn't biodegradable, or paper, which cuts down innocent trees


* You think the National Organization for Women is made up of average
heterosexual women with no lesbian agenda


* You're on the committee to construct the Gay Jewish Women's Cultural
Center -- there's a slight chance you're a liberal


* You blame Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but not the spend-happy
"Democrooks" for the huge national debt


* Banning assault weapons is your solution to end crime (what do you mean
punish the criminals?)


* You tell me how to live by telling me I can't tell people how to live