"President Obama will begin a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are confusion, delusion, and desperation." Jay Leno.
"A man jumped the White House fence, but after a brief chase, the Secret Service was able to talk President Obama into coming back and finishing his term." Conan O'Brien.
"President Obama changed his slogan from 'Yes we can,' to 'Yes we cave.'" Jay Leno, on the debt deal.
"Obama achieved the same kind of compromise with the Republicans that Custer reached with Sitting Bull." David Letterman, on the debt deal.
"President Obama said he'd be OK being a one-term President; and with that he shoved an iPhone down his pants and pressed 'send.'" Conan O'Brien.
"President Obama said regarding the economy, 'The sky is not falling.' The poll numbers are falling, the market is falling, support for the war in Libya is falling, Anthony Weiner's pants are falling, but the sky is fine." Jay Leno.
"The Republicans are so happy about bin Laden they've granted President Obama full citizenship." David Letterman.
"Rush Limbaugh said yesterday that Obama never would have tracked down bin Laden if it weren't for George W. Bush's policies. Although in fairness, Obama never would have been elected if it weren't for George W. Bush's policies." Jimmy Fallon.
"President Obama announced that Osama bin Laden has been killed in Pakistan. That's right, bin Laden is dead â just like the Republicans' chances in 2012." Jimmy Fallon.
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