What My Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're
going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished
cleaning!"


My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come
out of the carpet."


My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten
up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"


My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."


My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean
underwear, in case you're in an accident."


My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you
something to cry about."


My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your
mouth and eat your supper!"


My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -"Will you *look* at the
dirt on the back of your neck!"


My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all
that spinach is finished."


My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado
swept through your room."


My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled
because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"


My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once,
I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"


My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -"I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out."


My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting
like your father!"


My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less
fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful
parents like you do!"


THANKS, MOM!


Have a great day!