Was on a date with this girl and she asked me if I would tell her my Reddit username, so I did.

Why did the...

None of your goddamn business. Am I being detained?

Two police...

Two police officers and their dog are walking down the street. One of the...

My doctor's just...

Well, he didn't actually say that, but I could tell it was what he was thinking

Anything you want!

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an...

How to deal with...

There was once a blonde woman on a plane to Detroit. She was in the economy...

When a man falls...

"FULL SPEED AHEAD!" Sauce: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OA8_TlOsV_w#t=82

OPRAH AND AIRPORT...

Q: Did you hear why Rosie O'Donnell got arrested? A: Airport security lifted...

General Custer’s...

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he...

So my brother...

i.e., don't drink and derive. I said, "It's true. I tried it and destroyed a...

What's the best...

Well, I've gotten to be pretty good friends with Superman.