Vladimir Putin's emergency plans.

Boris Yeltsin is retiring, and summons Komrade Vladimir Putin to his bedside. Wheezing his last few words with difficulty, Yeltsin tells Vladimir, "Komrade, the reins of the country are now in your hands. But before I go, I want to give you some advice."

"Yes, yes, Great Leader, what is it?" says Putin.

Reaching under his desk, Yeltsin produces two envelopes marked 1 and 2. "Take these letters," he tells Putin. "Keep them safely--don't open them. Only if the country is in turmoil and things start going badly, open the first one. That'll give you some advice on what to do. And, even after that, if things start going REALLY badly, open the second one." And with a sigh, Yeltsin leaves the office.

Well, Putin succeeded him, and sure enough, within a few years things started going badly--unemployment increased, hotels crumbled during Sochi, people became restless. Vladimir decided it was time to open the first letter. All it said was: "Blame everything on me!" So Putin launched a massive de-Yeltsin-Western campaign, and blamed the west and Yeltsin for all the excesses and faults and ills of the present system, and bought himself some time that way.

But things continued on the downslide--Viktor Yanukovych was removed in Ukraine, Crimea was taken, tensions increased, the EU was unhappy with Putin's leadership and upstarts like Nemtsov were threatening his credibility. So finally, after much deliberation, Putin opened the second letter.

All it said was: "Write two letters."

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