Unemployed musician walks into a bar...

...and asks if they need a house musician to entertain the patrons. The manager told him to go ahead and show what he's got at the piano onstage.
So the man proceeds to play one of the most wonderful original songs the folks there had ever heard. It took everyone by surprise and he got a hearty round of applause.
On lady stood up and said, "That was wonderful! What's the name of that tune?"
The musician said, "I call that one 'Throw Your Tits Up on the Bar So I Can Smash Your Nipples with a Hammer."

So they finsish applauding and he kicks in with a song that's even better than the first one, and by now, he's being given a standing ovation. At this point, a man hollers out, "Buddy, that's the best song I've ever heard! What's the name of that song??"
The musician responds, "I wrote that for a bartender buddy of mine and it's called 'Throw Your Ass Up in the Air I Wanna Stick a Carrot in It'."

By now, there's near pandemonium, and the piano man announces, "Folks, I really appreciate the response and reactions. Tell you what, I'm gonna go use the facilities and I'll come back and play you so more of my original stuff!"

So he leaves for the latrine, and he happens upon the manager who tells him, "Kid, you're the best musician I've seen in person. Tell you what, you're hired if you do me a favor."

The guy says, "Excellent! Thank you, and anything you want, sir!"

The manager explained that this was a family bar and grill, and if he wouldn't mind altering the suggestive titles of some of his songs so as to not offfend some clientele.

The player says, "For you, no problem. I just really appreciate the opportunity."

The he proceeds to the bathroom, does his thing and as he walks out, he happens upon the manager again, he looks below the musician's belt line and exclaimed, "Hey! Do you know your dick's hanging out and dripping?"

The musician looked that man straight in the eye and said, "Do I know it? Hell, I wrote it!"