Two hobos, best friends for years, were sitting in the alley talking about how to get their next meal...

..."I've got fifty cents," says the first hobo. "I've only got a nickle," says the second."

"Well, if we got a few more coins, we could scrounge up enough for a sandw..."

"NO!" shouts the first, interrupting the second. "I'm tired of eating like dogs. Every day is the same old story, scrape enough together to buy a few crumbs, never, not once filling our bellies!"

"Well, damn!" says the second. "Me, too. But no use crying about it! It's not like we have another option..."

"Wrong," says the first. "I've got a plan. From now on, we're going to eat like kings, every night! All the food and drink you can shovel down your hole... And we'll do it for free!"

"What are you talking about? You're dreaming!" Says the second.

"I'm serious!" says the first. "Look, we've known each other for years. We've been through thick and through thin. You have to trust me on this."

"I think you're absolutely crazy," says the second. "But I've known you for years, and we've been through thick and through thin. I trust you."

So the first takes the second to the dumpster behind the Tailor's shop, finds two ratty old suits, and patches them up. He then goes to the dumpster behind the shoe store, finds a couple pair, and polishes them up. Last, he goes to the dumpster behind the hatter, finds a couple top hats, and rubs out the scuffs.

All dressed up, the hobos are standing outside the restaurant.

"You're sure this is going to work?" says the second.

"Trust me," says the first. "We've known each other for years, we've been through thick and through thin, just do exactly as I say, and we'll eat like kings!"

"Okay," says the second. "I trust you."

The two walk into the restaurant, are seated, and begin ordering everything on the menu. They eat meats they never knew existed, drink wines they've never tasted, and feast on the sweetest desserts imaginable. The two feel more satisfied than they ever have in their lives, until the waiter brings the check...

"What are we going to do!?" says the second. "We can't pay for all of this!"

"Trust me," says the first, as he pulls a long rubbery dildo out of his pocket. "Get down on your knees, and suck the dildo."

"WHAT?!" says the second. "You're crazy!"

"I'm serious!" says the first. "Get down on your knees and suck the dildo. They'll toss us out, and we won't have to pay. You have to trust me!"

"Okay," says the second. "I've known you for years, we've been through thick and through thin, and I trust you." He gets down on his knees and starts sucking the dildo. The waiter comes by to retrieve payment, and horrified by what he sees, throws the hobos out.

"See!" says the first, dusting off his suit. "I told you it would work!"

"That was incredible!" says the second. "You're a genius!"

"The best part is," says the first, "that we can go to a different restaurant each night and pull this trick. We'll eat like kings for the rest of our lives!"

Sure enough, night after night, the hobos go to a different restaurant, each more fancy than the next, and eat like kings. And each time the check comes, the first hobo whips out his dildo, the second gets on his knees to start sucking it, and they immediately get thrown out without having to pay.

"This is amazing!" says the second, after getting thrown out of their twentieth restaurant. "I've never thought something like this would be possible. But I was thinking... I appreciate you came up with this plan and all, but I'm getting a bit tired of always having to be the one to suck the dildo. Maybe we can switch it up next time, and you can be the one to suck the dildo."

"Oh," says the first. "I guess I forgot to say something... I lost the dildo a couple weeks ago."