Translating Menspeak

When He Says - He Really Means
------------ - ----------------
Do you have the time? - to go to bed


Hello - Let's cut the talk and go have sex.


How are you? - in bed, I mean.


I'd like a discreet relationship. - I want sex, but I'm married.


I'll be out of town for a few days. - I'll be spending time with with the wife.


I'm a novelist. - I have 10 unpublished books.


I'm coming off a long relationship. - My wife is divorcing me.


I'm consulting. - I'm looking for a job.


I'm divorced. - I just slipped off my wedding ring.


I'm in television. - I fix them.


I'm involved in banking. - I'm a bank guard.


I'm self-employed. - I just got fired.


I'm sorry I flirted with your sister. - I'm sorry I got caught.


I'm thinking of relocating. - I can't find a job locally in this town.


I can't leave my wife just yet..soon. - Be patient forever.


I enjoy reading. - Playboy and Penthouse.


I have the Midas touch. - I install mufflers.


I like a woman who is intelligent. - As long as she acts like I'm smarter.


I love opera. - I want sex, but I've seen an opera once.


I play the market. - Safeway


I work high up in an executive office. - I'm a window washer.


I work with computers. - I'm a cashier at a gas station.


Looking for a satisfying relationship. - I want sex.


My business is really hot right now! - I hand out towels in a steam room.


My job keeps me running. - I'm a messenger.


My wife and I are separated. - She's at home and I'm here at the bar.