(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)
In Alabama, a man who robbed a Subway said he did so because he tried the “Subway Diet”, but didn’t lose weight. Police describe the suspect as armed and extremely gullible.
In New York City, a health department worker was suspended for using a “robotic-sounding voice” when answering the phone. During the man’s suspension, his phone will be answered by an actual robot.
A Maryland man has been charged with sending an email that threatened to kill President Obama. Obama said it was the nicest email he’s gotten in months.
In Texas, a man called the police after a woman broke into his home, and performed oral sex on him without his consent. Police arrived on the scene, and the man was arrested.
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.