... every night after work he swings by the bar to sneak in a round or two on his way home. One night in particular he goes a bit too heavy. He realizes this when he closes his tab and gets up to leave and immediately falls on his face. After a couple failed attempts to get up, knowing that he must get home, he pulls himself across the floor, pushes himself up, wrestles the bar door open, and slumps out of the bar. Luck being on his side, the bar he frequents is uphill from his home, so he decides "fuck it, I'll roll home". He rolls downhill, and in another stroke of luck his back gate is open and he rolls right into the back door with a loud thud. He lays motionless for a moment hoping he didn't wake his wife. After feeling confident the coast is clear he opens the back door, crawls through the kitchen, down the hall, and into the bedroom. He slinks across the floor and pulls himself into bed, lays silently for a moment, and breathes a low sigh of relief. He's pulled it off. The next morning Tom wakes to find his wife glowering at him from the doorway.
"What is it honey?"
"You went to the bar and got drunk last night, didn't you?"
"What would make you think a thing like that?"
"They just called... You left your wheelchair again."
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.