This test is intended for males to test their sensitivity:

1) In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

- a) Lovemaking
- b) Screwing
- c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

2) You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’ve both shared:

- a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
- b) Your blood test results
- c) Five tequila slammers

3) You time your orgasm so that:

- a) Your partner climaxes first
- b) You both climax simultaneously
- c) You don’t miss Sportsnight

4) Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

- a) Healthy, creative love-play
- b) Not the sort of thing your girlfriend would ever agree to
- c) Not the sort of thing your girlfriend need ever find out about


5) Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you’ve just had sex with is:

- a) The best part of the experience
- b) The second best part of the experience
- c) £100 extra


6) Your girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

- a) No concern of yours
- b) Not a problem, she can join your gym
- c) A conservative estimate


7) You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:

- a) A myth
- b) An oxymoron
- c) A moron


8) Foreplay is to sex as:

- a) Appetiser is to entree
- b) Primer is to paint
- c) A line is to an amusement park ride


9) Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?

- a) “I hope we can still be friends.”
- b) “I’m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.”
- c) “Welcome to Dumpsville; population, YOU.”

10) A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

- a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
- b) Is uptight and a waste of time
- c) Shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place


Evaluating the results:

- If you answered “a” more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.
- If you answered “b” more than 7 times, check into therapy, you’re a little confused.
- If you answered “c” more than 7 times, “You DA MAN!”