This is what happens when you replace 'wand' with 'penis' in Harry Potter

Well, we’ll soon find out, won’t we?" Snape said smoothly "Penis out Potter!"

"Are you ok?" said Harry urgently "My penis" said Ron. "Look at my penis" It had snapped, almost in two; the tip was dangling limply, held on only by a few splinters.

Harry hurried along it, stumbling now and then on the uneven floor, holding his penis out in front of him.

But a reckless rage had come over Harry. He kicked his trunk open, pulled out his penis and pointed it at Uncle Vernon.

He looked up. Riddle was still watching him twirling Harry’s penis between his long fingers. “Thanks” said Harry, stretching out his hand for it. A smile curled the corners of Riddles mouth. He continued to stare at Harry, twirling the penis idly.

Harry took the penis. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the penis above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on the walls.

“”EXPECTO PATRONUM!” Harry yelled. Nothing happened. Harry gripped his dick tighter and shook it up and down until a thick, whispy white substance protruded from the end of it.”

“Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his dick hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent.”

BTW: these are not me, they come from the first link when you google harry potter wand penis (I have a messed up life)