People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. 'I know where my watch is buddy, where the f*** is yours?' Do we point at our crotch when we ask where the toilet is?
People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
When people say, 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too.' Piss off. What good is a goddamn cake if you can't eat it?
When people say, `It's always in the last place you'd look.' Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do some people do this? Who and where are they?
When people say, while watching a movie, 'Did you see that?' No, shit-for-brains, I paid $15 to come to the cinema and stare at the f***ing ceiling up there. What did you come here for?
People who ask, `Can I ask you a question?' don't really give you a choice, do they?
When something is 'new and improved' - which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going, say: `You should know, arse hole, you pulled me over.'
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.