The Voo Doo Dick Joke!!! (NSFW)

I think maybe alot of people have heard this, but i did a search on jokes and didn't see it, so for those who haven't, enjoy.

EDIT: K, before anyone says anything, i googled this and found that user sean7755 actually posted his own version of this first, so no offense to him, and i'll leave it up in case anyone likes this version as well. And again, enjoy :)

Guy walks into the local porn shop and goes, "Hi, i'm a lawyer and i have to leave for 3 weeks on business and i need something to keep my wife busy so she doesn't cheat on me, got anything for that?"
So the clerk says "Well, we have a wide array of dildos, vibrators, toys and pornos..." And the lawyer says "No, you don't understand, my wife is a nymphomaniac deluxe, an uncontrollable fuck machine, she needs something to knock her socks off, none of that will do, what else you got?"

So the clerk gives him a funny look and goes "Sit tight, i have just the thing." So he disappears in the back room for a bit and comes out with an old wooden box and opens it. And the lawyer looks and goes, "Dude, that just looks like a dildo, not interested," and the clerk says "Ahaaaa, but this is not just any dildo, THIS..... is a Voodoo Dick!"

The lawyer says "Ok... So what's a Voodoo Dick..." the clerk says "VOODOO DICK! DOOR!" And the voodoo dick zips out of the box and bangbangbangbang, starts fucking the door.

The clerk says VOODOO DICK, COUNTER!!! and bangbangbangbang, it starts fucking the counter. Then the clerk goes "voodoo dick, box." And zip! It flies into the box and closes.

The lawyer says "SOLD!!!"Buys it and goes home. He walks in and gives his wife the voodoo dick and says "Here, now i know i'm going away so i got you this voodoo dick, it's magical, all you gotta do is tell it to fuck you and it does the rest, so NOOOO CHEATING, you have a voodoo dick now, so no excuses." Then he kisses his wife and leaves.

Next morning the wife is alone and horny, frustrated, heated, thinking about who to call when it dawns on her and she goes "oooohhh let's try this thing out," so she pulls her panties down and says "VOODOO DICK, PUSSY!!!!" and the voodoo dick flies up her dress and just goes to town on her, she's having orgasm after orgasm, screaming, it goes on for hours, she's just loving this thing so much she loses track of time. She looks at the clock and says "Oh shit i have to go to work, voodoo dick stop!" But it doesn't, so she says "voodoo dick get off!" Doesn't work, so she's yelling at it, yanking at it, she tries everything, until she's like "damnit i just have to go," so she adjusts her dress, gets in the car and she leaves.

Well now she's doing 90 on the highway, swerving, driving erratically and suddenly 'WOOOOOooooo' cop car behind her. She pulls over, adjusts her hair, but she's a mess, red in the face, sweating, it's still fucking her, and the cop says, "Do you have ANY fucking idea how fast you were going, what is your god damn problem lady??"

She's like "Ummmm, i can't tell you," and the cop goes, "Well you better come up with SOMETHING, or you're getting arrested right now." So she says "Ok ok! There's a magical voodoo dick fucking me, it won't stop, it's fucking me right now and it was fucking me the whole time i was driving and i can't get it to stop!" So the cop pauses for a second and he's looking at her incredulously, and finally he gives her these beady eyes and he leans in real close and he says.......










"VOODOO DICK MY ASS!!!!"