16> VP Dick Cheney says he saw Kerry take 12 items through the "10 Item or Less" lane at the Georgetown Safeway.
15> According to Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa corks his forearms, too.
14> The Sesame Street cast says that Bert's all-potassium diet is turning him into a walking banana.
13> Britney claims that Christina once uttered the phrase "not tonight."
12> Whitney Houston's drug rehabilitation has been put on hold while her doctors argue about whether her entourage are enablers, co-dependents or caretakers.
11> Ralph Nader claims the electoral system discriminates against the megalomaniacally insane.
10> Democratic party leaders Bill Clinton and Gary Hart accuse President Bush of clandestine monogamy and fidelity.
9> Kerry says that although he threw away his combat decorations, as a senior in high school Bush threw his equestrian medals into the large lake behind the family estate to protest the top billing of the school's football team over the polo team.
8> Rush Limbaugh alleges that Al Franken merely *skimmed* end-user agreements in software he purchased.
7> John Stamos says that Rebecca Romijn-Stamos bogarted all the face creams and bronzers.
6> Terry McAuliffe claims that George W. Bush's insistence that there is absolute truth is an outright rejection of the entire post-modern generation.
5> Alex Trebek insinuates that Pat Sajak is disregarding the rules by not requiring contestants to buy the "Y."
4> "The L.A. *Lakers*? Is Los Angeles known for its lakes? Shouldn't a sports franchise's nickname at least have some tangential connection to its host city's unique local culture? We think so. We are the Utah Jazz, and we approved this message."
3> Producers of "The Simple Life" claim they have video proof that Paris Hilton was *not* a virgin when they hired her for the show.
2> Elton John starts a nasty rumor that fellow adult-contemporary artist Sting once played in a rock and roll band.
1> Mary-Kate Olsen accuses sister Ashley of being a no-talent bimbo trading on her looks.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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