The Top 15 Things Overheard on Britney Spears' Honeymoon

15> "Hurry, driver, get us back to our hotel room before she sobers up!"


14> "Yes, it's romantic to carry me over the threshold. I'm just saying it would be *more* romantic if your pants were still on."


13> "Am *too* a virgin! It doesn't count when you do it standing up."


12> "Okay, Jason, I gave it up. Now when are you gonna introduce me to Jerry Seinfeld?"


11> "Move! Go pee in the sink; I gotta puke again!"


10> "If anyone should see any reason why these two should not be wed -- other than their parents, their agents, their immediate families, struggling musical artists who have way more talent, a public that has grown tired of these kinds of ridiculous publicity stunts and humanity-at-large -- speak now or forever hold your peace."


9> "Hey, why is the bride on the cake dressed like a slut?"


8> "How long do you think this will last?"
"Ten."
"Ten what, honey?"
"9... 8...."


7> "You may now kiss the bride. And when Madonna's done, the groom can have his turn."


6> "Jason, you had me at 'I'm a TopFive contributor.'"


5> "You didn't use a condom?!? Well, don't worry -- we can get *that* mistake annulled, too."


4> "Well, we still had more sex than Liza and David Gest and Michael and Lisa Marie combined."


3> "Hello, room service? I have a complaint: Someone has already eaten my Pop Tart."


2> "It's not pierced; it was wired shut by my record label."


1> "You are soooo cute. Look at you! You are absolutely adorable. You are-- I'LL BE RIGHT OUT, JASON... I'M IN THE BATHROOM!"


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[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]