15> Lovemaking lasts exactly 30 minutes and includes eight minutes of telling you what's on her Christmas list.14> Every every time you remove your pants, you hear that damned laugh-track.13> He tries to kiss you on the mouth first thing in the morning.12> The promised "wacky hijinks" when you get back to her place are, in fact, just wacky hijinks.11> Tries to get you in the mood by whispering, "Tonight, on a very special 'Pecker'...."10> Always gives a wide-eyed "Well, gollllyyy!" when you take off your bra and a "SHAZAM!" for the panties.9> Every time you take a break, he sleeps with the Dell intern.8> He won't finish until you say "It's a good thing" while arranging a doily on his chest.7> To liven things up a bit, he brings in his cousin Oliver for a threesome.6> Shouts "D'OH!!" every time he ejaculates prematurely.5> She always wants you to guess which room she's naked in, but if you pick the wrong door, you're stuck with a farm animal.4> The mirror on the ceiling has a network logo in the bottom right corner.3> He narrates his every move with a fake Australian accent:"Crikey! Now, this position is *really* dangerous...."2> "It's not an affair, honey, it's a spin-off."1> Makes you wait until next week to see the exciting climax.[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ][ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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