The Top 14 Worst Things to Say at Your Trial

14> "Wait! It's a little tight, but... Yes! The glove *does* fit!"


13> "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me Satan, Lord of Eternal Hellfire."


12> "Don't worry, Your Honor -- it ain't loaded."


11> "I request a change of venue to Virginia. No, wait... Texas!"


10> "I got your DNA right here, pal!"


9> "Oh yeah? You and what jury?"


8> "Is this gonna take long? 'Cause I really gotta run by the store and pick up some more formaldehyde."


7> "Liar! You couldn't have seen me, I was wearing a mask!"


6> "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Naw, I'm just joking. Bring that bible back up here."


5> "You call these friggin' boneheads a jury of my peers?"


4> "Rape and murder? Absolutely not, Your Honor. At least, not in that order."


3> "Your Honor, with your permission, I'd like to play the race card now."


2> "Who died and made you Mr. I-Decide-The-Law?"


1> "Hey, who do I have to stab to get a glass of water around here?"


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[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]