14> It's impossible to drive it in ONLY Rhode Island.
13> Your threats to "turn around and end this trip right now!" must be phoned in to be heard.
12> Backing out of the driveway requires canal locks, four tugboats, a team of engineers and clearance from the FAA.
11> Al Roker's bariatric surgeon recommends you bring it into the garage to have its engine stapled.
10> It has its own congressman.
9> Climate control includes settings for the ozone level.
8> When you floor it, the earth slows down a tad.
7> You're spending too much time prying Honda Civics out of your tire treads.
6> Every time you fill up, Saddam Hussein goes, "Cha-CHING!"
5> You have a "War and Peace" bumper sticker -- the entire novel.
4> Your penis is actually shrinking just to compensate.
3> Three times this week you had to get the dealer to scrape migrating geese off the bumper.
2> Greenpeace has assigned the "Rainbow Warrior" Micro Bus to position itself between your SUV and the endangered Isuzu Amigos.
1> Rebel forces mistake it for a small moon.
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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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