13> You're no longer allowed in Chuck E. Cheese's.
12> Your enjoyment of dinner over stimulates her customers at the gentlemen's club.
11> All that crack in her breast milk makes you awfully jittery during first grade "story time."
10> You're starting to leave after-meal hickeys.
9> Prolonged nursing has created an intra-mammary vacuum, threatening to suck your face in through the nipple.
8> You celebrate getting your driver's license by having breast milk and cookies.
7> Your denture adhesive keeps gumming up her nipples.
6> Those nasty "stubble burn" marks are taking days to heal.
5> A mouthful of dust just ain't worth the two-hour drive to the retirement home anymore.
4> She keeps getting your lunch break schedule at Radio Shack all wrong.
3> Your designs for the Spruce Goose are almost complete.
2> You missed the prom because your braces got caught in Mom's nipple ring.
1> Dad always bogarts both nipples.
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