13. Whenever the urge to submit to your addiction strikes, sing Barney songs until pummeled beyond recognition.
12. Humbly ask God to remove all character flaws and about 5 inches from our thighs, hips and buttocks.
11. Toast to your success!
10. Blame the friggin' wife for spending all my hard-earned money, for chrissake!!
9. First Step: Ask Her Out And Treat Her Like A Lady
8. Do a shot of tequila every time someone says "codependent."
7. First, you must admit to everyone you know that you have "this friend" who has a problem.
6. Come clean about that Chappaquiddick thing, for cryin' out loud.
5. Put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.
4. Admit that Feng Shui cannot in any way compensate for daily physiological counseling.
3. Give Yourself Over to a Higher Power: But first, take off all your clothes and have a seat in the Oval Office.
2. Steps 5 through 7: Lick it, suck it, slam it.
1. Complete program by standing in front of support group and shouting, "I'm cured, you bunch of losers!"
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